Valentines?

Hmm...is Valentines Day just another day someone dreamed up just to cost me more money? I used to think just that, but as I lay here thinking about my newlywed wife who happens to be 300+ miles away I feel a bit different.  First off I just plain miss her, second my heart truly belongs to her. Isn't that what valentine's day is? Doesn't your valentine have your heart? Thats what all the cards say...well my valentine does have mine! I wish we could spend our very first v-day together but it's just not going to happen. Well on the positive side we will spend the rest of our lives together and there will be other v-days and Cheryl will have my heart and passion just as she does now. I love you Cheryl now and always, happy Valentines Day my love,

Fair?

You ever been around people and say, "They have no business being parents". Then you meet those who would be a great parent and have no children for whatever reason. I just don't understand why. I think about that when I see my wife with my daughter. Being newlyweds I wondered how she would adjust to being a step mom to a 15 year old. Well she just jumped in with both feet not knowing how deep the water was. I have watched their love and respect grow for each other and it has been a wonderful experience. Don't get me wrong, there have been ups and downs, but the ups greatly outnumber the downs. They have an uncanny ability to adjust, like it was meant to be. My wife is a much better parent than I am and I've got 26 years of experience! Maybe it's just a woman thing I don't know. I do know I don't have to worry about my daughter, she's well cared for. Seeing them together makes me smile...I'm a very lucky man. Thank you Cheryl for being the mother you didn't have to be.

Memories of us

How many people really know that our memories began 30 years ago? We were just kids trying to find our way in this life. Circumstances didn't allow much beyond a chance meeting that was short lived. Some might find that to be sad, others just a part of life. We have lived, laughed, loved and cried not really thinking of the other.
    Who would have thought, at the lowest times in our lives, we would meet again? Would you call it another chance meeting? Was it real? At first I wondered, "How could this be"? Is it real? To me nothing this wonderful could be real. You have taught me that I can love and be loved again. You have shown me what true love really is. I hope I have done the same for you. Our memories began long ago and will continue for a lifetime.

My Girl

  Well it's your first day at your new job so I figured I would write while you're there. I want you to come here and read this as often as you need to, it's just for you.
  You often ask me if I'm happy, I hope it's not because I manage to convey some thought to you that I'm not. But because you do it lets me know that you care and I love that about you! I have been through a lot this past year which you know. I know what it's like to be unhappy and feel completely alone, you and only you have managed to get me through. While others were trying to manipulate the situation with their own agenda you have thought of only me and what I need. You worry that you're a burden sometimes, when in reality I think I may be the burden. Sure you have baggage, but no more than I. I have felt no burdens trying to help carry yours I hope you can say the same!
   I think we are put on this earth to help others and to me you are the epitome of this. It makes me proud to share my life and family with you because of it! I love to be with you even when we're at our own agenda just because I know you are close. You always make me feel loved by the little gestures you do with just a touch. I cannot imagine living without you, to me it's not an option. Just the thought of you gets me through the worst of times. I have never questioned your intentions or your love,  I can't say the same about anyone else.
   So if any time you need to know how I feel or if I'm happy come here for reassurance. You have made me happier than I've been in a very long time. You have given me the hope of a good life when I thought it not possible, and done the same for Traci I see it in her every day. You are my girl and...

 I love you with all my heart, unconditionally.
                                                                         Joe

Taking your own advice

   This in itself can be very hard to do. I remember telling someone in my Sunday school class that God loves us and doesn't take from us without returning to us more than what was taken. I told her to be patient, listen and she would see.

   Well when God took Denise from me for what I saw as no good reason I became very angry. I turned my back on Him and pretty much every other person in my life. The anger consumed me to the point of near self destruction. I could not see that it was Him who brought Cheryl into my life, part in fact that I felt as if I were betraying Denise in some way also. So much was going on I could not focus on any one thing for very long. I had an ex-wife trying to push her way into my life and another idiot who thought she could be what I needed. All along what I needed was to be left the hell alone!
 
  That is what Cheryl did. After our first date I didn't stay in touch with her. I needed to think,  that's hard to do when you are surrounded by idiots. She allowed me the space I needed. Some may see this as crazy, not that I care, but I spent a fair amount of time at the cemetary just talking to Denise about it and it helped. I don't know if she knew my pain, it is said there is no sorrow in Heaven, but when I would leave I found myself at peace. Cheryl did eventually contact me and the timing could not have been better and she has been with me ever since.

   So God, I guess what I'm saying is forgive me for not trusting you and thank you for Cheryl. If there's no sorrow in Heaven then Denise could not have seen me several months ago but I'll bet she can see me now!
   Now if only I could control the idiots in my life it would be perfect. But I guess I'm going to have to handle that one on my own...Gods way of keeping me humble.

Old Habits

As I sat and talked with Cheryl last night I came to better understand how she perceives the things I sometimes say. I truly love the way we can just talk. But I did find myself getting angry at some of the things said, not at her but the things done to her in her past. Why is it that some people tell you they love you yet treat you like some thing less than you are. I have always thought two people in any relationship should be considered as equal. So if one treats the other like crap is it because of some inadequacy on their part? They feel less than so must put others down or be cruel to build themselves up? Well that's BS! I've had the wonderful fortune of spending time with a beautiful woman both inside and out and the ONLY problems we've had stem from someone else's doing. Well "someone"  I'm up to the challenge WE will work through any obstacles that comes our way! It won't take half as long to overcome what you spent tearing down...never challenge me I fight and play to win! I also know how to love and with that ability I will always win where you lost.

Just Dance

Yesterday was a lazy day, not that is a bad thing. Some much needed rest was found. But!! later that evening my girlfriend asked "what are we gonna do tonight" my typical answer was "I dont know, what do you want to do". Keeps me from any excutive decisions you see! The next thing I know we are all on the porch, along with my daughter and nephew, listening to music. Then my daughter wanted me to teach her to dance, so we danced. I danced with my girlfriend then with my momma! Momma can still dance! What an evening, so when you don't know what to do..Just Dance. Spend time with the ones you love.

Change

  As I stated in my profile,  I don't like change. Well the funny thing about that statement is my entire life at this point is changing. The biggest change in my life right now is the relationship I have entered into. I was married to the same woman for 26yrs and in that time personalities develop and expectations are made...or not. I guess what I'm saying is you learn what to expect and anticipate reactions. Well I find that has changed. I have to relearn something as simple as having a conversation because of new reactions to the way things are said or understood. You can't have the same conversation with two different people and get the same results. As bad as I hate to admit it I have to be more patient, and we all know how hard that can be. The woman I have entered into this relationship with is the best thing that has happened to me in a long time. She loves my daughter and I have no doubts she loves me, but she's not the same woman I've spent most of my life with. Things have changed! So now I have to,  I have to remember who she is and not treat her like I've grown accustomed to. I know this takes time and she is worth every second of my time it will take. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks...well that's what they made shock collars for! Damn I hope she doesn't have to use one on me!